I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I have tasted many bathrooms
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
