yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
