I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
