His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
