She said her name was "party"
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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