I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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