Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
