You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
how does that bad decision feel?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
