somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i already hear my dad disowning me
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
