I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
