Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
