the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
