dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
