thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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