Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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