remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
