She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
