can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
