I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
NoShamevember. You game?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
