I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
where does the pee come out of this thing
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
