She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
