So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
