I'm sorry my penis didn't work
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Sacagawea was the original milf.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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