I want to have your abortion
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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