Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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