Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Randomize
