Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
