I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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