I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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