I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
