Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
send nudes
from the living room?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize