I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
