He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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