I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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