Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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