Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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