reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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