Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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