Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
