well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
