Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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