Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
