There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
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