we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
