I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
