I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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