We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Randomize
