You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
