Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
