I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
