I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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