She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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