I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
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