I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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