I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
