Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
