ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
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