why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
