Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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