it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
