I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
