I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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