You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
