I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
