theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
