Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
