So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
