I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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