Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
