butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
