youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
