At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
