Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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