I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
