So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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