forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
