What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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