i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
