where does the pee come out of this thing
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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